Regrets

Regrets. Everyone has regrets. They can be slight, like cringing on your own past. Everyone can look back on their life and cringe at actions we have done, and if you don’t then you either need to mature more or you are a sociopath. Most of us look back at High School and Jr. High and man….what a bunch of cringe we feel. But hey, that is progress, if you aren’t cringing then you may not be growing 😂. They can also be major regrets, ones that lead you to a path that will take much longer to recover from such as maybe a DUI, or choice that lead you to ending up in a hospital, shit, maybe even both of those simultaneously. My regrets mainly amassed from not speaking my mind at a given time, or giving into peer pressure when I was very young. The memory is fading on many of these regrets these days, but hey, I really do believe the cliché of “I would not be who I am today without them happening.” As I stated, growing up is awkward and strange and that leads to much confusion. So let’s talk about one of my deepest regrets. It’s short but it really led me to be able to look inside others for face value and see their hatred.

I will be using “filler names'' here because. Honestly, I have no clue as to what some of their names are anymore. 7th grade I floated a bit this year from a friend group to another friend group. I was good friends with a couple buddies whose names I actually remember as I still would love to hear from them, they were good guys. Craig, John, Nathan. There were other two boys, for now let's call them Skyler and Bryce. Skyler was not too fond of me after awhile and I felt that at times, and that was fine, Bryce was a lot more laid back, you really can describe him as a cool kid. Well I saw myself out of that group as Skyler became more vocal about his distaste for me. Maybe because he lacked empathy or maybe we just never had the conversation. He and I both needed one on one. But hey, I left man, and I paired up with two boys very briefly, who were in Special Ed. with me. Their names for the sake of this post will be Taylor and Conner. Taylor and Conner lived together? I think they were brothers. But moving on, there was a boy at school many were not fond of….for some reason…I really never knew why, which is another regret, not getting to know Kyle Reed for the human being he is. I had heard from one friend or another that Kyle is why Bryce was getting in trouble because of some lie, some bullshit rumor maybe, but I was angry at the time, and hearing this didn’t help, no it was lame but hey middle school am I right? One day after school, I had to take the long trek home to my mom’s house across town. This happened to be the same way Taylor and Conner go as well, with their home a bit further away than mine and in the cuts, I joined them on the walk. Taylor and Conner were not… the nicest of kids as they were troubled and honestly they were mad at the world and it showed. While walking we see Kyle. I tell them what was going on and what the word was at school and their first reaction? Let’s beat his ass. Well I did not speak up on how much I did not think it was needed and they pushed me and fed me into my anger. Conner and Taylor already began antagonizing him and Kyle already began screaming for us to leave him alone. I don’t know what happened to my peace of mind, but I socked Kyle right in the head. I got one hit in and the other guys started laying hits on him. I stopped after that punch and walked slower. The boys stopped and Kyle ran on. They were laughing while I was feeling disgust and turmoil within. They shook it off and kept walking. I tried to shake it off for the rest of the walk but I was just so upset with myself. That was the first and last time I hung out with them. Next day a counselor and police officer we all knew was at the doorway of one of my classrooms and called me into the office. I kept my mouth shut and didn’t say anything , but the cop stressed how serious the situation was and explained to me that the parents were not pressing charges and that they simply wanted an authority figure to talk about the seriousness of the situation to those involved. Before then, my fights were all more retaliation, striking back at those causing me direct harm or accounting for first hand bullying. I would get myself involved and stop it as many of my classmates being in Special Ed were prone to bullying, so you damn right I’d step in. That was the last time I ever gave into peer pressure and decided to stick to what I am about. This incident may have made me more of a peaceful person, but it did not have to happen for me to deepen that lesson, and that is why it is still my number one regret.

Told you today would be a short one, as honestly….I really can not think of any more deep regrets than that. Suppose that is a great thing or maybe it is a trauma response and I am blocking something out 😂. I can always add more here as time goes on, or a new post I suppose is a possibility. I just hope you all strive for communication in this world and find the words that can build the bridge between two or more people for peaceful resolutions and understanding. As always, till next time!