Sexuality

It was not too long ago this was a bit of a risqué topic. I think the way humanity has progressed, at least with my friend groups, was okay to talk about. I know quite a few people who have been opening up more about their own sexuality coming out as gay or lesbian, and I could not be happier for them. But when does that start for kids? Some people say it's more prevalent with exposure to today's media and I could not disagree more. It has always been going on. It may help the child identify and feel more comfortable with their own thoughts and feelings, but there is no brainwashing going on here. So as for myself, when did I start asking myself about my own sexuality? Let's just start with a few notes before we go on. As a child I wanted to be a dad, always. So I knew for a looong time I wanted kids. However being a child of divorced parents, I was extremely cautious of who I would ultimately pursue in a sense, as for me I was ultimately thinking long game. Now I knew being young, that my first girlfriend would most likely not be who I ended up with. I was a bit of a hopeless romantic, actually, but sensible. I kept an open mind to my relationships and let things develop naturally (which I will talk about in the next post, Love).

For me, my questioning began at the age of 12. I remember the exact day’s events as it was at a Slumber Party at Vin’s house, which I also had seen the white lady that lives in his house again that night…spooky. Quite the eventful day as it was one where Adrian and Jovic had come up to visit us! It was summer and I had just graduated from 6th grade and spent an entire year at the new JR High School, a bit disappointed because I was not there when my friends were there. My Jr. High being grades 6 - 8 and my friends again, being 3 years older, they were off at a new school themselves, High School! Ooo woah! Vin had started dating a girl down the street from him, as well, by the name of Megan. Megan was fun! Great taste in music that I related to, didn’t mind me jabbering on about topics I was enthusiastic about, and had html coding skills! Oh that's right, who had a dope Xanga? This guy! She had been inducted into our group of course! So our roster is Mike, myself, Adrian, Jovic, Megan and Vin, all sleeping over at his house. We were all asking each other personal questions, and on Megan’s turn she asked “have any of you ever questioned your sexuality?” And I thought it was ridiculous and exclaimed “no! That’s crazy”. There was a pause from the group and they were looking at me and the guys all said “yeah of course we have.” Vin, Mike, Jovic looked at me again and said “you will Ian, and it’s normal!” Well I started then and there! I decided that if it is a possibility that love and attraction could present itself in the same sex, why close my heart to love? I knew what homosexuality was. I knew what sex was. I was growing up when home computers were becoming increasingly popular. I had one, I also had friends older than I interested in porn. So lo and behold, Ian has seen porn since he was 8 years of age., and this was a time when everything was free, and I mean FREE free. No accounts, no access codes, all free. So porn was prevalent in my life already and the Gay category of porn was there to select and was laughed at with us guys. Even studying folklore and mythology there are hundreds of stories of male to male intimacy. So reflecting on that question was not necessarily from a place of full on ignorance. I decided to always keep an open mind to love. As I grew older though, I would only continue to be attracted to the female form. I can safely say I am heterosexual at this point but that’s not the point of this post.

I want all that read this to know that most sexual urges are normal and understood and should be accepted by society. Now, I say most because necrophilia and beastiality exist along with other…types…🤢. Moving back to core sexualities, I want you to know where there is one, there are many and you have support and you are understood. Do not be afraid to be yourself. All of my friends who have come out have always led such a happier life, finally being able to live their life the way they feel is natural. A lot of my understanding of the trials and tribulations these communities go through was explained to me by a great friend by the name of Stacy. Stacy had really helped me empathize with what was really going on in our country and has built my mind around tolerance to be so much more comprehensive. It was a glorious walk from our neighborhood (we did not drive yet) to the other side of town in the summer time to get to Pho Cow Cali. The blistering sun seemed to go away as she and I got lost in conversation as she opened up and explained these other worlds to me that I stayed uneducated to for years. I did not stay in the dark on purpose, I just did not have the spark to ask or know who to ask and I was of course focused on my own life’s trials at the time. Opportunity met preparation and luck fell in line to engage in this free form conversation with Stacy. It really takes a small but everlasting moment such as a walk with the right person to change your views or make other views more comprehensible. You have to ask yourself with your points of view, “What would it take to change my mind?” If you can not answer that question, then you are not having a conversation with someone, you are there to try to change people's minds and that is not a civil conversation. It is okay to have a different opinion on topics than your peers. I would take it as far to say it is important to have people with different points of views in your life to always help you understand opposing situations. I will leave you today with Love Who You Want. Find where you are comfortable in your own skin and remember what it is like to be young and scared or young and intimidated based on your likes and know there are many people out there living that scenario everyday and to always help those in that dilemma when they present themselves to you. It’s okay to speak up and be supportive.