The Imposter
Let's discuss my absence.
I have involved many self imposed pressures to infiltrate my process due to a continued, planned ’thematic’ post schedule. I made a deal with myself in which I was going to release a series of posts this year relating to my sense of feeling on creative spirituality. I felt I had to take the next step ‘up’ with each continued post due to an internal thought driven pressure. I felt I had to keep a sense of validation in my posts, always taking the next step ‘up’. I have learned over the months that Validity does not always mean the next step up. It can also translate as the neighboring stone, meaning, laying one’s foundation. As it takes more than one building block to have a foundation. It is okay to have an ideal plan of devolvement along the way and realize you require more experience in life to continue. So I sat on my ways of thinking. I ceased to expel my words of advice in times that I felt were not needed and opened myself to listening. I admit, I am still in an era of absorbing via listening, but I have felt a need to express myself in this moment as a point of reflection.
I have learned I wear my heart on my sleeve. It comes with seeing the good in everyone and every situation. I always look for the positive in others and it makes me feel naive at times. To put it more directly, I often feel like a child in many situations. The more I fight this childlike wonder the more the more my imposter syndrome sets in. I may only feel this way because society says, “Older knows better.”
Older people do not always know better. Older people can lose touch of their innate creative soul. I have come to peace with this emotional state in the form of the old saying, “Ignorance is bliss.”
Ignorance is bliss. I am ignorant to the demands of constricted emotional manipulation. I much rather go upon life with the outlook of a child playing with their favorite toys than a beaten down human with unnecessary expectations thrusted upon them. Expectations put in place that keep one worried. To pull myself out of the imposter syndrome, I faced my resistances. These were forces that were pulling me in the opposite direction of my focus’ toward my work. The forces of why I feel as if I am a child to the working world around me. The thought of such, always pulled my focus for the day. As I sat with it I realized it is because I want to Play, not Work. The mindset of being a creative spirit is childlike and I have been fighting my child like wonder. The wonder that is always staying curious and open to asking questions. So if you feel like you may have imposter syndrome, try sitting with your resistances and find out if they are external or internal, and voice yourself to the resistances. If they are internal, you will become your work and focus naturally as you meet your resistances. If they are external, voice yourself directly to that force (e.g. a person in your life talking you down, or a societal norm that you wish to break). Those that talk others down, like other family members, may not know the effect their words have on you. They may not want to be putting you down in the first place and their word choice has just become a pattern over the years. Voice your sensitivities to their word choices and let them know you are working on new skills and for you it is playing.
Feel out your resistances…
Notice how they may make you feel…
Do not let them shift your emotions outwardly…
Stay curious…
Work on them with intent…
And stay playful…
Till next time my friends,
Ian