The Kitchen

I had already spoken about what cooking means to me in my post ‘Race & Culture’. But if this is your first post of mine, I will summarize. Growing up around many cultures, one of the traditions I was enamored with was being in the kitchen with the Aunties and learning the ‘whys’ on the intricacies of a dish. The traditions of certain dishes and the traditions involved with prepping them and bringing them together brought a closeness in my heart. The Kitchen is a time for bonding and it has proven to be therapeutic and reflective for me as I grew older.

 My Mom and I had a rocky relationship in my teen years. Much of it was communication issues as many things come down to that give us strife in our life, the other part would be trauma not expressed to me until many years later. Cooking has always been our language we saw even ground on. Even during the worst disagreements or fights, I would be able to join my mom in the kitchen and help cook. Working with her in non verbal motions but in equal terms of instructions to create our meals together gave me the clear mind I needed to focus on our issue. Eventually, as the dish would be closer to completion, words would be expressed in a more peaceful place and understanding each other more empathetically. Putting our differences aside and focusing on a common goal opened up the understanding that there is always love.

 Still, to this day, my mom and I will cook together, but now we mainly vent on our issues that no longer concern each other and a part of it is that with the task of our common goal, it allows us to communicate with each other without either of us interrupting 😅. Cooking with another can remove the inhibitions and open the door for clear communication. I love working with others in the kitchen, not just with my mom and fiancé, of course 😂. Especially with my good bud Dao. Dao has a natural affinity for working with food and it is my deepest desire that one day he explores this natural talent and opens some sort of eatery. It was while he was living with me when I was in high school that he would open my mind to the love of crafting a Sandwich. Who doesn't love a sandwich? No, it sure isn’t pizza but everyone has that one sandwich they ate that they still have not forgotten. Dao taught me why certain ingredients are placed where they are for optimal coverage and eating comfortability. You never want your sandwiches’ ingredients slipping out whilst consuming. Using cheese as a bonding agent to hold other meats together after you toast it. Fold certain cold cuts to have that maximum coverage. What condiments set off flavors of certain breads. This was a person, who at the time, held a facade of not giving a shit bout’ nothin’. Seeing alone, he even cared about what goes on in the kitchen. Everyone loves food, and if they say they don’t they are a liar.

Bonds form in the kitchen either from cooking or by sitting around and enjoying each other's company. I implore those that do not have a relationship with their kitchen and cooking to start, and you can always start small! The Kitchen is a magical place of ceremony and when you respect it, you really start to respect yourself by what you put into your body and providing that time for reflective thinking as you get in the zone and tune out the stresses that came or continue to come through your mind. No need to think of time spent in the kitchen as a chore, but as therapy. We cannot always control what is before us, but we have the power to change how we perceive it.