Where I Am

I have taken the time to go over my previous posts.

Reflecting on how far I have come since the start of the 31 day consecutive post challenge. I realize since the start, I have began to understand my growth. I was kept awake the other night with a sense of anxiety. I had to ask myself, why this feeling of worry. I quickly quieted my mind and thought back to a discussion with my mom years back. She taught me that growth within the self does not feel positive at first, no, it can start with a sense of dread. Growth of the self can feel as intense as a sense of agony from within. At a closer look this dread stems from a very understanding sense of unfamiliarity. Unfamiliarity that is created from finally processing all the self questioning you ask from within over the past years, months, weeks, days and really understanding what type of person you know you need to be in life. You see the way you have been, now you really can understand and gauge more effectively how to get where you need to go. Understand at your core, how you have judged your own character yourself and really felt what made you comfortable and who you may have been communicating with. 

From the time I started this blog to now, I have since joined a writers collective. A place where writers of all sorts of categories and talents have set the time aside to write and talk amongst ourselves on what we are working on and how we are feeling with our process. This weekly meetup has really got me in the groove of writing and getting ahead of my muse. It is important that one does the work. To do the work helps the mind connect what is being practiced or tinkered with. They say luck is preparedness meets opportunity. To me, “the muse” works in the same way. Work to be prepared and your muse will follow. Stay ahead of your muse. Do not chase it, do not wait for it. Do the work and it will come to support you. Your muse will not know how to help you, if you don't know how to help yourself. It is the same concept of being with a partner in the sense of Love. You must know how to love yourself first, in order for you to teach others how to love you. You must teach your muse how it can help.

Working with this writing collective has taught me the discipline to set the time aside to effectively exercise my brain to focus on my work a little bit at a time. A couple weeks in, I began to relax as I worked on writing and I realized this is not work, this is “play”. The play time of my youth where I must remember, to rid myself of the judgment of society, to rid myself of the pressures of progress. Finding that feeling of those days of childhood where you played with your toys in your own environment, completely unbothered. Playing for the love of it and not for the high sense of pressure we have developed into adulthood. We must play with our craft in the same innocence and pure joy for the love of the craft. I am thankful for the writing collective and I am eager to see everyone grow and develop and to play with their craft from the heart. How does one “feel out” the sense of playing from the heart? How does one question themselves to begin to understand this expression in the first place to be able to reflect upon it?

 In a more recent conversation with a dear old friend of mine, they stated that their father had expressed to them words my friend carries with him through life, still to this day. Not to quote, but to simply put, “People do or say things for mainly two reasons, for self preservation or self aggrandizement.” Evaluating this belief, to me, it simply spelled out the root of Ego. When acting or saying things in this world, ask yourself, “Am I doing this in regards to developing a name for myself in the wrong way? Am I doing this for the sake of my ego for self gain? Or is this really from the heart because I truly care for the message?” It is time to beat the typical human nature characteristic of the ego and to be a loving person. Emulate and begin to understand what you do is, at your core, for the reason that you love something about being human. When we love a part of something, we can reflect and develop an understanding of what it means to be loving. 

This world may never know world peace, but we can all make this world more peaceful. Being human means we must feel and understand the core emotions. To fully understand Joy, Love and Surprise, we must experience Fear, Anger, and Sadness. For many people, their view of world peace would include eliminating the feelings of Fear, Anger, and Sadness. Our emotions are valid, and our emotions must be expressed as creatives for others to feel what we have in our experiences. Let us not deprive the world of our experiences of the human emotional spectrum and move forth to a world of growth and understanding. It is time to ruin the borders of sensitivity and be in a world where we can freely express our differences without one’s ego taking over and rushing to be defensive with another. Our goals are not to convert, but to have those with opposite views at least understand the other side. So please, move forward in a loving manner, and remember to feel, to express, to create.